My Big Fat Story

"All of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am. So many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am." - The Story Brandi Carlisle


This is my big fat story...

I have been watching my weight since fourth grade. I started developing faster than the other girls in my class. And, looking back, I was chubby because I was about to hit a growth spurt. But tell that to a class full of 10-year-old skinny girls. I was constantly chided and called fat on a daily basis. I was the last to get picked for any sports-related things, and I never could make it up those ropes that they made us climb in gym class. I had an uncle who "lovingly" called me "fatso" when I was young. I laughed it off, but, truthfully, it really did some damage. To this day, I cringe whenever I hear someone say it.

Now about my heritage... I'm Italian. And I have the signature "birthing hips" to prove it. I can't so much as look at a bowl of spaghetti without my backside ballooning out my pants! Italians have been known to be curvy and voluptuous. And I'm not talking about the kind of curves that some large women refer to themselves as to make them feel better. No, that is called "round."

I had been merely curvy throughout high school, but then I met my first husband. He was a bigger guy, and made me feel rather small. And you know how it is when you are around certain people who eat what they want: you tend to do the same thing. And so I traveled up the size chart until I was a size 22. WOW! Even now as I write this, I can hardly believe I let myself do that!

But do that, I did. And I was miserable. I was so afraid to step onto a scale! The last time I had looked, I was over 220 lbs!!! And people would tell me I didn't look THAT big, because it was very proportional. But I couldn't shop at regular young women clothing stores, because they didn't carry my size. I never went swimming because putting on a swimming suit was detrimental to my self-esteem. I was getting to where my quality of life was becoming limited. I was involved in a dinner theatre and the parts I could play were becoming fewer and fewer. Finally, the director of one of the shows we were doing came to me and said she would love for me to play Eva Peron in Evita, but I'd have to lose weight first.

That did it. I went to the store that night and purchased a book about the Atkins diet. I read every bit and started the next day. By the time the show opened I lost 20 pounds. And in 4 months, I lost 40! But trying to stick to the diet was becoming extremely hard and I quit. One of the bad things about Atkins is that once you stop, it's very easy to gain weight back. And that's exactly what happened to me. I gained 20 back right away. I started and stopped the Atkins Diet no less than THIRTEEN times!! And that's when I realized... THERE'S NO GIMMICK THAT WILL MAKE THIS FAT JUST GO AWAY: I have to do the work and make actual lifestyle changes. I didn't gain the weight overnight. Therefore, I wasn't going to lose it overnight.

I joined Weight Watchers online and read all the literature I could about losing weight. But the more and more I read, the more I became aware of a common thread. Each article had basically the same thing to say: Eat less, move more. Burn more calories than you consume. What a concept! I took this to heart. I started walking every chance I could. I joined a gym and actually went! I got rid of things in my life that were "weigh-"ing me down (get it?). No more junk food, no more splurging on dinners at overpriced restaurants, and I got divorced.

And, suddenly, the weight started falling off! I was down to 175 pounds. People were constantly stopping me and telling me how great I looked, how "skinny" I looked. It made me want to work harder. That was the summer that gas prices soared to $4.00/gallon. So, I bought a bike and gave up my car for a summer. I lost 15 more pounds!

Soon after, I met the love of my life! He is a healthy person and cares about his body, which is one of the most attractive things about him. I was surprised when I discovered how supportive he was (is) of eating healthy and keeping a workout routine. I found myself deliciously happy and we married soon after. And more weight was falling of in the meanwhile!

Now, you may think that 155 pounds is a lot for a woman. Even on a 5' 6" frame. But, to me, it's heaven! And I'm no longer embarrassed about it, because I see it as an achievement! And I did it all by myself!

So that is, in a nutshell, my big fat story. Throughout the course of this blog, I will be sharing with you the rest of my journey. My thoughts, advice, celebrations, heartache, and recipes. I hope you will find it inspiring or, if nothing else, entertaining.